Journal Entry: 8-31-2010 journal type: spiral notebook.

Chains On My Heart....And A lot of Other "C" words.

I can't sit still...
Sometimes I close my eyes...

I don't wish to change my past...
Its the memories that catch me up...
I only wish to capture and collect these broken moments in yellow totes.
And trade them for hugs on sunny days while we sip homemade lemonade.
And stray cats roam these wheat fields for field mice that feed their life.
Watching these moments is like pleasure and spice.
As life takes place before your eyes and mine.

I wait for the wind...
And i pray for the flight of a 4 leaf clover to land before me.
Raised in the country air, living in the city, i am neither a cowhand, nor a coward.
I am the lonely coyote that roams this land, and howls at midnight.
Lit by the moon, my silhouette is the tattoo that covers your mind.
And this is not condescending, this is clarity and creation.

The last year of my life was costly, not comforting nor cozy.
A relationship where my costar wore a costume on her heart everyday.
The contours of our love were jagged, and ended cold and costly.
Nothing like the Costa Rica sunsets, with corona's on coasters.
And waves that contour our curves and get our bodies wet.

Love is a corporation...
Corrupt in nature, cranky moments, crabby comments, and much discomfort.
Much like the feeling of food in your teeth after eating corn on the cob.
I jot these notes down with ease, to release the pressure on my heart.
The weight on my mind, and the pain in the passing of these memories.

I often ask these words to cooperate, to some degree, in some order.
But there are moments, they are cast on this page like a catastrophe.
Certain that these words are written with  cement, rather than cotton mouth.
So i collaborate with clever cords, that clear my mind, cleverly.

I don't really know where I stand...
When it comes to where I'll go next.
I cough the cold, but cant crack the code.
These words don't create moments that linger.
They create medicine, that feeds you and me.
And when taken with water, before bed.
They will cause nightmares in you and me.
Memories that bend us, blend us, and let us bleed.
Bleed out the rest of the poison.
That remains in you and me.

I Close My Eyes...
And I picture a quiet cottage, with only a copy machine.
Where I write and I write, and then multiply these notes.
And when the wind picks up, I step outside.
I climb the ladder of a thousand dreams.
And i throw stacks of these words into the wind like seeds.
And only God may carry these words to the end of the world.
To find you on another continent, and to let you know.
That i love you, in ways that marvel my own mind.

And may these moments echo beyond the borders of Idaho.
To the soy fields of Brookings, South Dakota.
And into the ears of strangers that even i don't know.
And on a warm summer day, may the love i feel.
Enter the hearts of Mark and Patty, as i Chase my dreams.
May these words reach beyond the oceans that divide me...
From England, Germany, and the Netherlands.
May two hearts that beat as one...

Finally be freed.